bad night

Last night was horrible. I have a problem telling short stories, but I will try to keep this one as short as possible. A couple nights ago I saw on the news that an older couple died in their home from carbon monoxide poisoning. It put thoughts into my head, like my anxiety does and I couldn't let it go. I started feeling sick and just off...and I was convinced I was going to die. So last night Josh was at work late, I had the kids in bed and I started panicking. It was about 9:30. So I called my mom and had several small attacks come on, and my mom helped me get my mind off of them. I talked to her for about an hour and then called Josh to see if he was coming home yet because I really needed him. He was on his way in a few minutes. So I called my mom back and talked to her for another hour while I waited for him to get him. It was just such a scary night for me, I don't know why I have this problem sometimes, but it just sucks. I took some nyquil and then I really started to feel funny. I kept feeling like I was going to pass out. It was really nice to talk to my mom for 2 hours about totally random stuff, and she got an idea of what I suffer with on a daily basis. I won't go into detail about all of my fears...but she said she's surprised that I can even leave my house. I was pretty anxious as a child, and it seemed to have gotten better, but has been getting worse ever since kaitlyn was born.

I slept great after Josh was home. He was great. He put the clothes in the dryer for me so Jenica would have something to wear to school today, this morning the alarm went off at 5:20, I didn't even hear it, and I slept until 7. I asked him to get Jenica up and he did. He got her up, dressed, fed, did her hair, and took her to school. I didn't wake up until 10, when Kaitlyn was playing with my phone and called Josh, he reminded me to pick Jeni up. I'm so bored, the bulb in the tv blew, so it's not like I can relax on the couch and watch tv even. I can relax on the couch and do nothing. Maybe I'll sleep. I am watching my little sister in law today until about 2/2:30 while my mil is at work. After I picked the girls up from school we went and grabbed a pizza and then went and got a movie from the redbox. They are downstairs watching a movie and eating pizza so I can relax. So far so good. Today is our activity days christmas party, combined with the 2 groups, but I don't think I am going to make it. I think I am getting the flu...right now the worst of it is the body aches, and my head feeling all funny.

Ok, I have rampbled enough...:) I'm going to lay on the couch...and hopefully fall asleep!